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The Tale of the Three Kappas

jeveuxmanger:

The Tale of the Three Kappas

There was once three Kappas, traveling along a long, winding road at twilight. In time, the Kappas reached a fashion show, too hideous to watch. Being learned in homosexuality, the Kappas simply waved their arms, and danced to bad romance. Before they could cross the show however, they found their path blocked by a hooded figure. It was the Gay Death Louie, wearing his TWU hoodie….and he felt cheated. Cheated because the gays would usually die of boredom watching the show. But Louie was cunning, he pretended to congratulate the Kappas  on their dancing, and said that each had earned a prize for being dancy enough to evade him.

The first Kappa, Danny, asked for a dildo more powerful than any in existence.  So Louie fashioned him one from an elder tree that stood nearby. The second Kappa, Uriel, decided that he wanted to be even more drunk, so he asked for a bottle that would never stop pouring vodka. So Louie got a bottle from the fashion show, and offered it to him.  Finally, Louie turned to the third Kappa, a humble queer named William, he asked for something that would allow him to go forth from that place without being followed by Louie. So Louie reluctantly handed over his own Chanel necklace of invisibility.

Danny traveled to Chelseas, with his elder dildo in hand,  and killed Matthew Speer, another fruit whom he had once quarreled. Driven by the power that the dildo had given him, Danny bragged that Matthew Speer or anyone would never have better sex than him. But that night, Carlos, having heard of the sex the dildo could bring him, stole the elder dildo, and slit Danny’s throat for good measure, and so Louie took Danny for his own.

Uriel journeyed to his home where he took the bottle and poured it nonstop. To his delight, the alcohol was never-ending and being drunk off his buttocks, he started seeing dancing figures. One of them which was Victor, a merry gay who joined the other imaginary dancers. Yet soon Victor started missing his steps and would dance out of line, for he did not belong in any dance floor real or imaginary. Driven mad with this heinous spectacle, Uriel decided to take his own life to put himself out of his misery.  And so Louie took Uriel as well.

 As for the third Kappa, Louie searched for years but was never able to find him. Only when he attained a great age and shape did William shed the necklace and gave it to Lola. He then greeted Louie as an old friend and went with him gladly, departing this world to the fashion show, as equals.

So let it be known that possessing these three items could make anyone be a master of gay death.

Sex, Alcohol, and Fashion.