ZThemes
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daxsymbiont:

ok so what no one tells you about bisexuality is that you don’t sit calmly and statically in the middle of the kinsey scale instead you’re swINGING ON A MOTHERFUCKING PENDULUM BACK AND FORTH HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE

bialogue-group:

Maybe you just don’t understand bisexuality. And not understanding something means it must be wrong. (Sarcasm)

Person: You're bisexual? Aren't you just experimenting?
Me: I did experiment. My research yielded a positive result with a five-sigma significance, in accordance with theoretical predictions, and I am currently pursuing some promising practical applications. If you're interested in further reading, I have recently published an article on the subject in J. Fuck Off. Thanks for asking.
equalseleventhirds:

the-deviations:

firegrowshigher:

slutofbabylon:

The powers that be do not want me to have a good night. 

Man, let’s say you’re at a party, yeah?  And there are people at the party that prefer cake, and people at the party who prefer pie, so the host serves both.  Alright, cool.
So you go in for a slice of pie, when suddenly the host CHARGES over and goes “WOAH WOAH WOAH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”
“I’m having some pie, man, chill.”
“What the hell?  I thought you had cake last time.”
“Yeah, I did have cake last time.  But I’m not feeling the cake tonight.  And this is my favorite kind of pie.”
“Ohhh no.  I thought you were a CAKE person and now all of a sudden you’re eating pie on me?  You’re confusing me!  Make up your mind!”
“What’s the big deal, even?  There’s plenty of both for everyone.”
“YOU CAN’T LIKE BOTH CAKE AND PIE.  YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE.”
But man, fuck that guy, I’m going to have the pie anyway, who cares if I had cake last week.  
And then if that pie is so good that I never want any other dessert for the rest of my life, that doesn’t mean I suddenly never liked that cake that I ate.
Actually this metaphor is kind of dumb.  I guess I should just leave it at “fuck you.”

No, it’s sweet. In fact, it’s a lovely springboard for the rest of the sexualities. For instance, asexuality:
You’re enjoying the party - the music, the conversation - but you just don’t feel like eating cake or pie.
Suddenly, the host charges over with some cake he’s sure you’ll love. He knows this cake. It’s not too rich and not too dry. You politely refuse.
The party keeps going until the host comes back with a slice of pie, practically shoving it in your hands. You try to refuse again.
“Oh come on, what do you want?”
“Nothing, I’m fine.”
“Are you on a diet?”
“No, I just don’t eat pie. Or cake.”
“…you had a bad experience with dessert, didn’t you?”
“Excuse me?”
“Forgive me if I’m getting too personal, but it had to be something traumatic. Did someone spike a baked good of whatever construction with a laxative?”
“Fuck no. I just have no desire to eat dessert. I’m sure your pies, cakes, muffins, cookies, waffles, wafers, Nutella sandwiches, what have you…I’m sure they are all lovely. Please, serve them to any and all who would consume them. I’m not one of them. Is that really so hard to comprehend?”
“…you just haven’t found the right one.”

I sort of really love dessert metaphors for sexuality because some of the things people say about sexuality are so ridiculous, but people really only notice them with the metaphors.
Also I love them because I like food and I’m going to eat some dessert now.

equalseleventhirds:

the-deviations:

firegrowshigher:

slutofbabylon:

The powers that be do not want me to have a good night. 

Man, let’s say you’re at a party, yeah?  And there are people at the party that prefer cake, and people at the party who prefer pie, so the host serves both.  Alright, cool.

So you go in for a slice of pie, when suddenly the host CHARGES over and goes “WOAH WOAH WOAH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

“I’m having some pie, man, chill.”

“What the hell?  I thought you had cake last time.”

“Yeah, I did have cake last time.  But I’m not feeling the cake tonight.  And this is my favorite kind of pie.”

“Ohhh no.  I thought you were a CAKE person and now all of a sudden you’re eating pie on me?  You’re confusing me!  Make up your mind!”

“What’s the big deal, even?  There’s plenty of both for everyone.”

“YOU CAN’T LIKE BOTH CAKE AND PIE.  YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE.”

But man, fuck that guy, I’m going to have the pie anyway, who cares if I had cake last week.  

And then if that pie is so good that I never want any other dessert for the rest of my life, that doesn’t mean I suddenly never liked that cake that I ate.

Actually this metaphor is kind of dumb.  I guess I should just leave it at “fuck you.”

No, it’s sweet. In fact, it’s a lovely springboard for the rest of the sexualities. For instance, asexuality:

You’re enjoying the party - the music, the conversation - but you just don’t feel like eating cake or pie.

Suddenly, the host charges over with some cake he’s sure you’ll love. He knows this cake. It’s not too rich and not too dry. You politely refuse.

The party keeps going until the host comes back with a slice of pie, practically shoving it in your hands. You try to refuse again.

“Oh come on, what do you want?”

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

“Are you on a diet?”

“No, I just don’t eat pie. Or cake.”

“…you had a bad experience with dessert, didn’t you?”

“Excuse me?”

“Forgive me if I’m getting too personal, but it had to be something traumatic. Did someone spike a baked good of whatever construction with a laxative?”

“Fuck no. I just have no desire to eat dessert. I’m sure your pies, cakes, muffins, cookies, waffles, wafers, Nutella sandwiches, what have you…I’m sure they are all lovely. Please, serve them to any and all who would consume them. I’m not one of them. Is that really so hard to comprehend?”

“…you just haven’t found the right one.”

I sort of really love dessert metaphors for sexuality because some of the things people say about sexuality are so ridiculous, but people really only notice them with the metaphors.

Also I love them because I like food and I’m going to eat some dessert now.

gaycomalfoy:

in 8th grade i came out as bisexual by posting a facebook status saying that i had 83 protons 

[Facebook status that says: ‘My phone autocorrects “boardgame” to “bisexuals”. So if I ever invite you over for a bisexuals night, don’t get too excited.’ Comment: “Oh damn. And I have the best outfit for it too.”] [via wonderingcarolina]

[Facebook status that says: ‘My phone autocorrects “boardgame” to “bisexuals”. So if I ever invite you over for a bisexuals night, don’t get too excited.’ Comment: “Oh damn. And I have the best outfit for it too.”] [via wonderingcarolina]

[a dolphin’s head on a pink, purple and blue background. Top text: “date opposite sex”. Bottom text: “people think you’re straight”]

[a dolphin’s head on a pink, purple and blue background. Top text: “date opposite sex”. Bottom text: “people think you’re straight”]

Though I do believe Xanax will make you bisexual. Just look at the name! It goes both ways!

( Stephen Colbert (via cardboardseats) )