(Note: I’m a female customer sitting in a pub. I’m approached by another male customer while I read a book.)

Male customer: “Hello, my name is ***.”

Me: “That’s nice.”

Male customer: “So can I have your number?”

Me: “Oh. Actually, I’m gay.”

Male customer: “You want to have sex with women?”

Me: “Well, not right now. Right now, I just want to read my book.”

Male customer: “That’s bulls***! If you’re a lesbian then you want to have sex with women!”

Me: “Honestly, I just want to read my book.”

Male customer: “You’re lying to me, that’s very rude! I’m going to complain!”

Male customer, to a waitress: “That girl over there is being really rude. I want you to do something, it’s disturbing my day. She just lied to me and told me that she was a lesbian, and now she’s mocking me.”

Waitress: “What am I supposed to do about that? Make her straight?”

Male customer: “Just do something about it!”

Waitress, to me: “Hello, there.”

Me: “Hello. I’m sorry about him.”

Waitress: “Oh, it’s no problem! So, can I have your number?”

Male customer: *looks horrified*

Me: “Er, yeah, sure. Here.”

(I write my number on a napkin and she takes it, still smiling.)

Waitress, to male customer: “See? She’s a lesbian.”

Male customer: “That’s not what I wanted you to do! I didn’t want you to ask her out, I wanted you to make her leave! I demand to speak to your manager!”

Waitress: “Oh, he’s just popped out. I can get his boyfriend for you though if you want?”

Male customer: *storms out cursing*

(It turned out that the waitress was kidding about her manager, but she wasn’t kidding about asking me out!)

(via notalwaysright.com )

what-the-fiction submitted:

So there’s this kid in my art class who doesn’t think it’s possible to like both coffee and tea.

I wonder how he’ll react if he finds out I’m bi.

And then I started thinking about it…and that’s the best metaphor.

It’s like, straight people and gay people only like coffee or tea.

and then bi people like both.

and then pan people are like, pfft, cofee, tea, hot chocolate, cider, whatever, s’all good.

and then ace people are like….ew. hot drinks. tongue. burn.

And that’s just how it works.

Yeah. I’m totally using that metaphor now.

(My sister is a lesbian and after our mother doesn’t react very well to her coming out, she is nervous about telling our more conservative father.)

Sister: “Dad, I need to tell you something.”

Dad: “Okay.”

Sister: “I’m gay.”

Dad: “That’s nice. What do you want for dinner?”

(A couple months later she became a vegetarian.)

Sister: “Dad, I’m a vegetarian.”

Dad: “What? Why would you do something like that!”

Sister: “This is what you have a problem with?”

Dad: “Of course! Being a vegetarian is a choice!”

Source: NotAlwaysRelated.Com

(I am waiting on my mom to get out of her doctor’s appointment. I overhear a conversation between a 17-year-old patient and the doctor.)

Patient: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I MIGHT BE PREGNANT?!”

Doctor: “Well, ma’am, you said you haven’t been having your period, and you have been having sex with your boyfriend, so it is highly possible.”

Patient: “But I’m a lesbian! I can’t get pregnant!”

Doctor: “Oh? I apologize. I thought you said you had a boyfriend. Well then, we should try other tests. And I apologize to you and your girlfriend.”

Patient: “Ew, what? I do have a boyfriend! Why would I date a girl?”

Doctor: “Then you aren’t a lesbian. And you are probably pregnant.”

Patient: “I am a lesbian! My mom told my boyfriend and I that she wished I was a lesbian so I wouldn’t get pregnant. My boyfriend and I decided that I was a lesbian, so mom wouldn’t have to worry.”

Doctor: “Miss, that is not how it works, and not what she meant.”

Patient: “Screw you! I know my mom better than you do. You just lost a patient since you don’t even know lesbians can’t get pregnant!” *storms out*

Source: Not Always Right

Explaining my lesbian engagement to my 4yr old niece Emma

ME: Emma I’m going to marry Allison

Emma: Ok

ME: Do you want to ask me any questions why I’m marrying a girl and not a boy?

Emma: Yes! CAN I PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE THE FLOWER GIRL?!

ME: Sure, do you have any other questions about me and Allison getting married?

Emma: YES! PLEASE PLEASE CAN THERE BE VANILLA CAKE! CHOCOLATE CAKE MAKES MY TUMMY HURT

ME: Its settle then, we’re having vanilla cake

[anon submission]

If I look up “carrot” in the dictionary, most people will acknowledge I do not know all there is to know about carrots and if I truly want to understand carrots, I should probably pick up a horticultural text book. We know that legal and medical terms are going to be, at best, simplistically represented and know we need to find a lawyer or a doctor if we want to know more. Anyone deciding to base their argument on, say, a philosophical concept or term using the dictionary is going to be laughed at at best, or automatically lose whatever argument they’re trying to make at least.

Yet the minute we move into a social justice framework, the ultimate authority changes. We don’t need lived experience, we don’t need experts who have examined centuries of social disparities and discrimination, we don’t need societal context. We don’t need sociology or history – no, we have THE DICTIONARY! That ultimate tome of oracular insight, the last word on any debate!

It’s patently ridiculous and you can see that by applying it to any other field of knowledge. But the privileged will continually trot out simplistic, twitter-style dictionary definitions as if they are the last word and the ultimate authority. No-one would drag out the dictionary to debate science with a scientist. But they’re more than willing to trot out a dictionary definition of racism over any sociological analysis. A dictionary is not the ultimate authority - they’re a rough guide for you to discover the simple meaning of words you’ve never heard before – not an ultimate definition of what the word means and all its contexts.

(

- Sparky at Womanist Musings. (via flowerskss)

thank you lord jesus christ

though i’d honestly love for someone to quote the dictionary on me when i discuss programming

that would amuse me

hard

(via crackerhell)

nicolasibarra:

There’s an expression in Brazil when we want to say that someone is queer: “This Coke is Fanta”.

Don’t even ask me where the hell it’s supposed to come from.

crystaltermanator:

I told my grandma I was writing a legislative speech and her response:

“ If it’s about gay rights you tell them your mom and grandma were highly suspicious when you were 4,5 or 6.. Chosen lifestyle my ass.. Baby you were born this way,  tell them that…….love ya, -G”

Happy National Coming Out Day

She believes gay people can be cured of being homosexual… My understanding is Mexicans can be cured of being Latin, too.

( Greg Proops on Michele Bachmann (TSMITW, Surpremes) )

The thing about gay marriage is simply that it’s not gay. It’s marriage. If you are uncomfortable with marriage, you can not outlaw marriage. And, shocking, even if homosexuality makes someone uncomfortable, one can not outlaw identifying as or practicing homosexuality. So seeing as both homosexuality and marriage are legal, their being combined should be no big deal.

( Cristina Marrero )